i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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