Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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