Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
