the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
