I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
