The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
