I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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