I got chris browned last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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