he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
