I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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