I accidentally burped into my bong.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
