Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
