The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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