apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
