The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
