My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Soap is not a condiment
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
