So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
