There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
