so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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