tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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