Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
