no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
