He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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