well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Less talking, more tequila
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
