I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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