If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
