The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
