i wish my penis had a tongue
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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