please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
