Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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