No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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