Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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