I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
