So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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