Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
