i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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