I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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