I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
try to milk me bitch
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