Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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