capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
