i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize