We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
