WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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