He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
