Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize