okay pat passed out under dana's car
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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