so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
