I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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