I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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