How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
