i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
