dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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