Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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