stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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