My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
