drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My balls are so social today.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
