Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
