so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
