Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
