I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
