Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just high enough for therapy.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
