Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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