Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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