I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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