did you get engaged???
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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