I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
