i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
