Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
