did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
