Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
