Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
