I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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