There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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