I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
