my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
