i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
