dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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