I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
