Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize