im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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