i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
