Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
