so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
