i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
